@ForeverHairy: The nice thing about getting a pet lobster is that you can always threaten to eat it when your kid stops taking care of it.
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@Steelers1972: I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
@QwertyJones3: "That Will Smith is a nice young man, I hope he wins Celebrity Apprentice." No Grandma, that's Ben Carson and this is the Republican Debate
@nataliejmooney: lying on the floor with my mouth open just in case someone breaks in and decides to grate a bunch of cheese in there
@The_Sculptress: Every night when you sleep,I sneak into your house, full of desire. I then reduce the amount of marshmallowy treats in your cereal&go home.