@NeinQuarterly: The #NSA walks into a bar. Bartender: "Got a new joke for you." NSA: "Heard it."
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@AmishPornStar1: I need a way to keep fit that will make me look like a crazy person so no one will approach me while I do it. -inventor of powerwalking
@djr_102: Sometimes you just have to roll down your car window and bark at people to see what they do.
@Tommytoughstuff: [Job interview] "Under "skills" you have odd compliments." "You look like you'd have soft bones. "Thank you?"