@LostFelicia: The number of Piña coladas I drank on vacation is this (my daughter doesn't want to cruise with me again) many.
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@undeadmolly: My parents are always pestering me to have kids. "Who will carry on the ancient family curse?" they say.
@SocialustGal13: My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That's the last time we're playing Monopoly.
@ohen39: [birthday party] me: the candle symbolizes the joy and happiness in your life kid: okay me: alright, now blow it out