@LostFelicia: The number of Piña coladas I drank on vacation is this (my daughter doesn't want to cruise with me again) many.
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@cray_at_home_ma: Me, to all my kids before the age of 2. "No screens allowed." On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad. "This is your mother now."
@AGStr8upNinja: I don't play mario kart with my brother anymore. Because we are both in our 20's & my mom is not there to split us up when we fight.
@TheRolo: 911: What is your emergency? Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us.
@Storminika: My mom keeps asking questions like 'When you gonna be famous?' I tell her, 'As soon as they find the bodies.'