@bourgeoisalien: The number one cause of depression in people over 30 is hearing co-workers resentfully sing, "Happy Birthday" just to get cake.
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@davidkenny100: When I was growing up, my mum was always saying "you can do it!" Like when I was asking who was cooking dinner for example
@JTQuest: Men think of arguments as single isolated events. Women, in my experience, think of them as installments in some sort of perpetual continuum
@ShittyComedian: When a black guy pulls a knife on me on the subway I remind him he doesn't have to feed into racial stereotypes. Then I usually get stabbed.