@JohnHilsen: The number one piece of advice I could give to fish is to stay hydrated.
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@SamuelHLowe: Aliens must know that we're an easily conquerable race if they've ever seen us try to cancel a printer job.
@ericsshadow: [undercover FBI agent who's had me under surveillance for weeks decides to blow his cover] do you ever stop eating?
@MacAnnabella: People that proudly carry their yoga mats around town... I get it. I carry my Burrito around with that same pride.
@envydatropic: Be nice to Canadians, American tweeters. We're going to need somewhere to go after this next election