@WheelTod: The odds of being killed by a shark are 1 in 3,748,067. So if you know 3,748,066 people who haven't been killed by a shark: avoid the ocean.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MartaEffing: A humpback whale pulling millions of krill into its mouth, but it's me at a party where they just served shrimp.
@VeryLonelyLuke: I got mad at a rock today. I chopped it in half with my lightsaber. Now there are two rocks. Send help. Now.
@wittwitbarista: Ever notice how pathetically lonely you are when the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignores your knock knock joke?