@TheBoydP: The old saying about pissed off waiters applies to everyone really. I’m fairly certain the guy at Home Depot just spit on my mulch.
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@TheMichaelRock: [at restaurant]] 8yo: why does mom eat half of your food? Me: because.. Wife *evil glare* Me *terrified* because I don't want it.
@SufficientCharm: Alfijnbahkfnbsbbakrbbjdnebzk hzueonyvag macarena yrvixndvwhkga ndhwkdbcbe hayvektoubabrjnahor HEYYYY MACARENA
@Nyx422: My son begged me not to wear my Poison shirt & spandex to get him on the bus again. So I wore an adult onesie. Guess I won this round.
@jergarl: Me: OMG I'm so tired. Ambien: Your wife would look AMAZING covered in mustard and chocolate chips. Me: I'm on it. A: And Cheetos. M: K.