@michaelianblack: The Old Testament is the historical record of the first time we Jews controlled the media.
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@odannyboy: DC: Wonder Woman is too complex for a movie. Marvel: We just made $100m on a movie featuring a talking raccoon and a walking tree. In space.
@ThisOneSayz: Me: want a grilled cheese? 6yo: no. How about a cheeseburger without the meat. Me: you got it.
@KeetPotato: Yes, I'd like to return this pizza "is there a problem, sir?" *opens box* ITS GOT NO TOPPINGS ON "sir, you've opened the box upside-down"
@LionJenkins: Me: *Wrong Turn Siri: Recalculating Route Me: *Wrong Turn Siri: Recalculating Route Me: *Wrong Turn Siri: You're on your own, Idiot.