@Ideal_Victoria: The older I get, the more I relate to those angry elderly people who go around biting others.
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@novicefather: [iphone vibrates] 3yo: daddy someone is texting you [landline phone rings] 3yo: what is that sound?
@LoveNLunchmeat: that awkward moment when a friend is complaining about their spouse, but you start to identify with the spouse
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Look, even if you could breathe underwater, no one wants to be Aquaman. 4yo: Who's Aquaman? Me: EXACTLY!