@LukewSavage: The Onion called it...again.
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@sarcasticmommy4: I tried that whole "if you love something, set it free" thing but my kids are still here.
@djdarrellripley: Me: You never told me you were on the debate team in college.. Her: Yes I did. Me: No you didn't. Her: Yes I did. Me: Oh you're good!
@StansaidAirport: I live in constant fear that someone will abduct my mother in law at 35 Ash Street, London, Flat 2, door is sticky buzz Carol to let you in.
@withanewname: [flash mob in front of me & my girl] [I join in then kneel down gasping] "Will you.." "YES!... YE.." "grab me a smoothie from Jamba Juice?"