@LukewSavage: The Onion called it...again.
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@partlyfunny: My 11 yo noticed my receding hairline and thought it was hilarious. Until I explained how heredity works.
@Jeffwni: [job interview] Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish. Would you care to expand?
@badbanana: Fun game: Order food to be delivered to your mobile home and then lead the delivery driver on a high-speed chase through town.
@TheMichaelRock: HR: Do you want your name on the October birthday list? Me: Nope. HR: Why not? Me: Because I'm not in Kindergarten.