@LukewSavage: The Onion called it...again.
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@snack_lord: Spider Can, Spider Can, bunch of spiders in a can. Shake it up, spiders mad, open it, they bite your hand. Look out! I have a spider can
@ShitJokes: My friend keeps saying, "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
@Try2StopME: Husband: "Lost my keys again." Wife: "It's in your Jeans." Husband: "Come on, Why do you have to Drag my family into this!"