@Steelers1972: The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don't care if you get the last iPad Mini.
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@SteveMartinToGo: This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he's wearing TOMS and you can't stop laughing.
@juliussharpe: Cologne - because people shouldn't have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.