@KingPatrick24: The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
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@reesespiece_: Girls, your friends lied when they said chopping your hair off looked cute. They are just happy that their man wont want to bang you
@KalvinMacleod: [ice cream parlor] WIFE: I'll have two scoops of vanilla ME: me too, u could say I want an WIFE AND CLERK: please don't ME: ice cream clone
@WilliamAder: I knew joining a gym was a bad idea when I got there and needed help pulling the door open.