@NYC_Blonde: The only difference between you and Harry Potter is that his magic wand actually works OOOOHHH BURRRRN
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@WritePlay: "The house always wins," muttered Dorothy as she stared at the witch's crushed body.
@rockymomax: [date] ME: do you have kids or pets? HER: a son and a cat ME: what are their names? HER: John & Batman ME: nice! my son is also named Batman
@my_minivan_life: Just discovered my 7yo wearing his underwear backwards again. Playing classical music while pregnant is bullshit.