@thetobbie: The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
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@Sarcasticsapien: Rejecting someone by saying "you deserve someone better" is a fun way to let a person know you'd rather insult yourself than to date them.
@AimeeHelene1: Dad to kid: "Connor, eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" Me: *turns around, eats all of kid's food*
@nevels_kendyle: Guy in restaurant: Mam, are u ok? Are u choking? Me: *wipes off drool & removes a cherry stem from my mouth that's not tied in a knot*
@Mr_Kapowski: If you encounter another Dad in the wild wearing a #1 Dad shirt, you must fight to the death. Disneyland has never been so fun