@pakalupapito: the only exercise this month ive done is running out of money
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@Laser_Cat: A fun prank to pull on a neighbor is to introduce a species of invasive grass into his lawn.
@rohoxbaby: Every Facebook post: *Girl posts lyrics* Elderly woman comments "Hi lucy. you're so grown up. We miss you. Tell your mom ill call Wednesday"
@13spencer: A Florida police dog is being fired after biting two people; but to be fair, who wouldn't want to hurt people from Florida?
@SteveSuckington: I rented this bobcat to help me dig up my new pool but he won't even hold the shovel. He's just eating all the neighborhood squirrels.