@pakalupapito: the only exercise this month ive done is running out of money
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@chrisviccaro: You'd think old people would drive faster with the whole death thing creeping up on them and all.
@envydatropic: Nothing good can come from a gay man greeting you with an up and down look followed by an "Oh, honey"
@TheBlessMess: Dear Coworker, If I'm nodding my head & smiling at everything you've said, this means I'm fantasizing about getting banged by David Beckham.
@AimeeHelene1: Today there was a band-aid on my plate, a bat flew in the house, & a bee stung me. Today was brought to me by the letter B.