@Parkerlawyer: The only person who listens to me in my house is my dog, and even he pees on the floor sometimes.
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@hippieswordfish: 'welcome to subway how can i-' ME:*punches counter*WHY DOES THE KOOL-AID MAN CARRY A SMALLER PITCHER OF KOOL-AID 'sir-' M: IS IT HIS PISS
@Brampersandon_: My dad could kick ur dads ass! Um have u seen my dad Hes a big guy huh? No really have u seen him? He left when I was 9 & never came back
@LizzieEMB: Him: Should you be eating that much chocolate? Me: Should you be using that much oxygen?
@comer310: Hey gurl, were you taped to the inside of a birthday card from my grandmother? Cause you're a dime.