@Owl_Meat: The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
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@Reverend_Scott: "Kids are picking on me, Mom" I'll teach you how to fight, son. "Yes!" [Mom spreads rumors about son and ignores him for 3 days]
@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital.
@DrDogMD: PATIENT: How tough was medical school for a dog like you? DR DOG: *thinking back on all the homework he ate* It wasn't easy