@Mr_Kapowski: The only problem with winning concert tickets from a Pepsi lid is that you will be attending a concert with a bunch of Pepsi drinkers
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@agathagotstoned: Barring any distractions, it only takes about three months to teach a meerkat how to throw knives.
@upsidedowntrash: WIFE: Why do you waste money on useless things? ME: [scraping the S and H off the side of my new School Bus] Maybe useless to you Sharon
@OctopusCaveman: When you have children, sometimes you see a glimmer of your personality shine in them, and in that moment you know why your mom drank.