@drugleaf: the only proof i have that there is a god is that one time i saw a dude in a "Bazinga" shirt get into a car and drive directly into a tree
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@ColorMeScradd: Me: Got any more of those debbled eggs? Friend: Did you just say DEBBLED eggs? Me: No, I said the right thing...
@Reverend_Scott: "Charlie, I want a divorce." [in a black robe sacrificing a chicken on a satanic blood alter] Why?
@FreudsTwin: My therapist told me I should start making my own decisions. So I stopped seeing him.
@HFromTheNam: Husband:-"So when you starting back at the gym"? Me:-"Why"? H:-"Because you need to" His funeral takes place next week.