@WineMummy: The only reason I'm on LinkedIn is to find employed dates for the weekends.
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@PajamaStew: "Welcome to the future. Let me show you around. Here's the bathroom. This is a robot that we invented that screams at your wet hands."
@JohnHilsen: When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this.
@aprilmaywilson: Apparently it's 'inappropriate' to show up at your therapist's home to swim in her new pool even though your 'boundary issues' paid for it.
@Bahstonlady: Babies make for the worst pets ever, I try to explain to all of the expectant mothers at the grocery store.