@WineMummy: The only reason I'm on LinkedIn is to find employed dates for the weekends.
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@Tmoney68: When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
@SirEviscerate: Your date leans in and whispers "I'm not wearing panties." You shiver. She continues: "I pooped a little and had to throw them away."
@PinkCamoTO: Pac Man is my favourite video game about my life. It keeps getting harder and I can't stop eating everything in sight.
@robdelaney: Tim Cook announces iPhone charger cord to be long enough to reach a socket, Apple stock price quadruples.