@MoneypennyNaked: The only reason I've been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill.
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@AudreyPorne: "Sexy role play.. I'll be a dentist." "I'm here for my appointment" "Did you book in with Karen first?" "No?" "Please leave, I'm very busy."
@darinlovesbacon: Your honor I object! That other lawyer is saying stuff that makes my client look guilty
@iwearaonesie: wife: know what today is? me: yep wife: on 2 together: 1, 2 wife: Happy Anniver.. me: 3 MONTHS UNTIL.. wife:..sary me: wife: me: ..Santa
@david8hughes: [teaching son to brush his teeth] Me: this is the part of your skeleton that everyone sees