@MoneypennyNaked: The only reason I've been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill.
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@DontTouchMyWine: It sucks when someone cuts you off in traffic and you have to catch up to them & throw a perfectly good cup of coffee at their windshield.
@WilliamAder: If you get a present from me with scissors and a roll of tape trapped under the wrapping paper, I'm gonna need those back.
@mindflakes: People often ask me if there's a good reason why I'm sitting in their birdbath, but there almost never is