@iGreenMonk: The only reason why i am fat is because a tiny body could not store all this huge personality.
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@AndyAsAdjective: INTERVIEWER: what's your greatest strength? ME: shape shifting INTERVIEWER: is that so? INTERVIEWER: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit
@68Cly29: The neighbors are looking at me strangely again. Like they have never seen a man sitting on his roof with a pair binoculars before.
@0point5twins: I choose toothpaste NOT recommended by dentists… those sneaky tooth-fiddlers have a lot to gain from promoting one that doesn't work.