@nachosarah: the only reason you should be showing me pictures of your kids is if they're missing or you want them to be
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@outsmartedmommy: I'm fairly certain that watching paint dry & waiting for a pot to boil take less time than anything a 3yo insists they will do without help.
@junejuly12: Apparently "if you must draw your eyebrows on, please draw them evenly" was not the tip this waitress was expecting.
@Mr_Kapowski: The tiny little pocket on a pair of jeans is great if you want to only be able to access your coinage by doing a handstand at a register
@Mom_Overboard: Receptionist: Psychiatric Unit, can I help you? Me: Yes, I'd like to make a reservation...