@Parentpains: The only standards I have in life are about the quality of alcohol I consume, and even that gets sketchy after about 5 drinks.
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@truegritrumble: Tired of being hit by cars? Fed up with being scraped off the road? Sick of fighting off vultures after you've been pancaked? Sidewalks™
@jdforshort: Your smell is so intoxicating Your skin so soft and warm I can't wait to eat you up ~Mosquitos
@Sassafrantz: He'd probably stop sending me "good morning, beautiful" texts if he saw how many chins pop out when I look down to read it.