@TrickleVaryTea: The only thing a woman wants jumping out of a cake is another cake.
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@kelly_eberle: Haunted house ideas: -“we need to talk” room -“you’re being audited” room -“my period is late” room -“two days before payday” room
@faisaladam_: If a girl says she loves you, do you tell her thank you or run away screaming? Asking for a dad. Seriously, asking for a dad. I need a dad.
@stephenjmolloy: Waiter: "I'm afraid your credit card has been declined." Me: "Try this one." W: "This is a blood donor card." M: "Take as much as you need."
@4handfuls: Her: What are your passions? Him: Meditating and gourmet food & drinks. Narrator: Which was code for sleeping, Cheez-its, and Capri Suns.