@thatUPSdude: Can't figure out if my dad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense! "The green one dad, not the Red one!"

@Cool_Jesse: NO, YOU GET THE HELL OFF YOUR PROPERTY.

@Fickle_Filly: 7am: *starts diet* 7pm: *eats the house*

@JP_theAntiHero: Sometimes I think you have good taste in clothing as I try on your sundress. Other times I think you need a better home security system

@AmericanGent69: {First Date} Me: I once saved a dog from a fire. Shania Twain: That don’t impress me much. Me: Oh well one time I successfully inserted the straw into a Capri Sun without spilling. Shania Twain: ok that’s actually really good.