@Angibangie: I got a pocket got a pocket full of sunshine Sunshine: Please let me go. I have children.

@samalmightysam: I don't like to brag about going to expensive places, but I just went to the gas station.

@SharkJelly: "Hey honey" *drags a cigarette* "have you ever" *drinks some scotch* "slept with a guy" *sucks a lollipop* "with three arms?"

@timdonakowski: I remember when the History Channel actually played MUSIC!

@YeahDrewisOn: Me: One last drink and then I'm off to the petting zoo Her: Aren't you too drunk to bring the kids to a petting zoo? Me: I have kids?