@tsm560: The only thing I arouse is suspicion.
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@MartaEffing: My date thinks he's gonna get me drunk, & then get in my pants. The joke is on him, coz my tolerance is sky high & I'm wearing a skirt.
@mewritesgood: I bought my nephew a drum set because: A) I'm an awesome uncle B) Learning to play an instrument is important C) I hate my sister
@AnkCoupleTO: I was in the mood for nuts this morning so I chased a squirrel for 3 miles and the little prick led me right to his stash, yum!