@TheCatWhisprer: The only thing I do to get my body ready for summer is make sure my AC is serviced.
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@markydoodoo: GF: that spoon is still dirty ME: but I just got it out of the dishwasher GF: I can see the mayo on it ME: yeah but it's clean mayo now
@BonaFideIntent: Me: I won't be in due to a VOLCANO Boss: ..we live, in Florida..? Me: IRRELEVANT Boss: Me: *opens 3rd bottle of vodka, puts on arm floaties*
@JediGigi: "JELLYFISH ARE NOT MADE OF JELLY AND ALSO THEY ARE NOT VERY NICE!"--I scream from my swollen mouth
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *puts six steaks on the grill* Wife: Don't you think that's too much? It's just us and the kids. Me: Wait, you guys are eating, too?