@TheCatWhisprer: The only thing I do to get my body ready for summer is make sure my AC is serviced.
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@Henry_3k: You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you'll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to "sit".
@aecide: Saw my neighbor in a peeing contest with his dog on his porch. My mum said there'd be days like this but she never said there'd be so many.
@squirrel74wkgn: Me: *finishes up dinner date* Me: *sits down at new table* Sorry I’m late, traffic was awful Her: ...you were literally sitting at the table right next to this one
@ArfMeasures: Wife: The kids made you these cakes for Father's Day! What do you think of them? Me: They're awful. But at least they made me these cakes