@JennyJohnsonHi5: The only thing I know about Downton Abbey is that everyone looks as if they smell like the bottom of my Nana's purse.
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@TheMichaelRock: Her: is he trained? Wife: of course! Me[from the couch] QUIT TRYING TO SELL ME ON CRAIGSLIST
@lisaOoOo: A 5 day juice diet. They said I would "feel it" working in just 5 days. They were right, I've never felt more hungry in all my life.
@imabbylouise: I have nothing in common with people that say, "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy."
@Canadian_Cutie_: My voicemail greeting: Its 2016, please hang up and text me before the beep so I don't get a notification.