@JennyJohnsonHi5: The only thing I know about Downton Abbey is that everyone looks as if they smell like the bottom of my Nana's purse.
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@sixfootcandy: Interviewer: Can we call your former employer for a reference? Me: Not if you're considering me for the job.
@goolicker: There is a special place for people who leave long voicemails, but until the ground thaws, they stay in the freezer.
@mrtruthandsoul: Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
@MariyaAlexander: Whenever people say they're willing to do "whatever it takes" to "make it in Hollywood" they never mean "patiently work on their craft".