@JennyJohnsonHi5: The only thing I know about Downton Abbey is that everyone looks as if they smell like the bottom of my Nana's purse.
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@Man_wonders: Group- "Can believe Jesus just turned water into wine?!" Me- *cutting up lines of table salt* "hey um, Jesus... soo can you do me a favor?"
@PJisBeast: I used to sanitize my son's bottles and Lysol his toys. Then I caught him chewing on the dog's tail.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Teen: Your brows are on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your FACE is on fleek. Teen: Thanks! Me: God damn it.
@XOperfectmessXO: You're like a dressing room You make me want to take my clothes off and try things