@Vivalazoso: The only thing keeping me from cutting eye holes in a newspaper to spy on people in the coffee shop is my constant lack of scissors.
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@thepunningman: CEO: It's got wheels Inventor: It's the best we could do CEO: You had 30 yrs I: CEO: Put "may not hover" on the box and get out of my sight
@2tonbug: "Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
@trentistweeting: "My date was cute but he couldnt perform in the bedroom." *cuts to me in bedroom butchering Wonderwall on guitar* i swear this never happens