@WilliamAder: The only thing left for CNN to do is drop Wolf Blitzer in the Indian Ocean and see how long it takes to find him.
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@longwall26: God: So I was, all, what if there was a fish made of jelly? Like, jelly but alive and in the sea? LOL [angels look nervously at one another]
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife and I play this fun game at home where one of us says, "Could you watch the kids for a minute?" and runs.
@peachesanscream: Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had 2 Kitkats fall out of a vending machine by mistake.