@WilliamAder: The only thing left for CNN to do is drop Wolf Blitzer in the Indian Ocean and see how long it takes to find him.
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@LeonEarlgrey: Hey girl are you my golf clubs? Because I tottaly forgot to take you out of my trunk.
@Ms612: Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Pregnant coworker with 3 children who always complains about money: When are YOU going to start having kids? Me: When are you going to stop?
@Vodkantots: When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."