@WilliamAder: The only thing left for CNN to do is drop Wolf Blitzer in the Indian Ocean and see how long it takes to find him.
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@ValeeGrrl: POLICE OFFICER: [frisking me] why do you have chicken nuggets in all your pockets? ME: they're medicinal
@the_tsai_guy: If someone eggs your house, you can save time cleaning up by just baking your house into a cake.
@SteveKoehler22: Parents who have allowed your 8 yr olds to become spoiled brats ... We'll check back in 10 years to see how that worked out for you.
@iwearaonesie: Me*taps wife's shoulder*Whatcha doin? wife:Meditating me*still tapping*Why? wife: It helps me relax me*still tapping* Is it working? wife:No