@POTerritory: The only thing more predictable than the conspiracy theories is some people's inability to distinguish Indonesia from Malaysia. #AirAsia
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@Eatingmeals: The women at the club tonight are so unapproachable. Getting discouraged. Good thing mom is here to tell everyone what a super guy I am.
@theroneman: Son, there's only one thing in life to fear. [Car full of bears with machine guns drives by] Son, there are only two things in life to fear.
@clindsaysway: The rare times my cat comes to me for affection, I run and hide under the bed, so she knows what that feels like.