@bjaynash: The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
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@thtchicmichelle: Sent this guy 27 texts in the last hour and haven't heard back so I guess I should probably drive over to his house and make sure he's okay.
@Ryan_Patricks: Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
@abbycohenwl: St. Peter: Why should I let you into heaven? Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting & I just let her StP: Get in here
@MarfSalvador: [Desert island] Me: JANE! Jane: What? M: It's a boat! J: HEEEEEEEEELP! Me writing: Day 286, Jane is still scared of boats