@bjaynash: The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
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@ThisCantBRight: I don't condone workplace violence, until someone microwaves fish in the break room.
@AlexRogaski: Wife: The police are here asking about a break in at the pet store Me from within a pile of puppies: Tell them I'm not here.
@MrIceMachine: Mind: Does a flying dream sound good tonight? Me: Yea! Mind: Horrific shadow demon it is. Me: But I thought-? Mind: Don't worry, it can fly.