@FinallyHeSleeps: The only thing sexier than a girl wearing glasses is a girl wearing only glasses.
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@TheBoydP: The best thing about being an accountant is that everyone assumes you’re not a psychopath.
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: I just feel like sometimes you take me for granted. MY CAT: I literally have no idea who you are.
@pinupteacher: Two praying mantis' sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I Oh shit, did you see that? Daaaamn. She straight up ate him.
@KeetRidley: "Hey, your fly's down" Oh shit.. *pets fly's head* you'll be alright little buddy, chin up.. we'll get you some new wings