@TheTweetOfGod: The only thing standing between you and your dreams is insomnia.
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@markydoodoo: FACT: if a cop says FREEZE and then you say "now everybody clap yo hands" he has to drop his gun and clap and then you can get away.
@TheBoydP: Wife: Put the dishes away I have other things to do. Me: ok *Me loading dishwasher with wife watching entire time to ensure I do it right*
@Rollinintheseat: Never play musical chairs against a person in a wheelchair. They will always beat you.