@doktorj: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and being tagged in a super unflattering photo."
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@Love_bug1016: [first date] Him: I want to marry someone who knows what commitment is. Me: (trying to impress) I haven't put my phone down in 5 years.
@DurtMcHurtt: Her: Stop stalling and sign the divorce papers. Me: *does "the divorce papers" in sign language* THERE I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY
@HellRaisingHell: Finally found a job ad that didn't mention 'attention to detail' or 'team player'. Finally!
@foxnerdrn: If he doesn't sleep with a life-sized replica of you made of human hair and deli meats, he's not as into you as I am.