@Tmoney68: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And spiders. And enclosed spaces. And snakes. And heights. And diseases. And sharks. And that goddamn clown from “IT.” - My presidential inauguration speech
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: Prisoner: You inked Me: *thinking about my "I hate prisoners" back tattoo* No why
@stevevsninjas: [grocery store seized by terrorists] "Not today", I say, tearing the label from a tube of Poppin' Fresh Dough and rolling it down the aisle
@BaileysIrishTom: What's the best way to remove a grass stain? Alcohol? I don't see how getting drunk will help, but whatever.
@SteveSuckington: You always hear about cops planting evidence. Never about the cops who nurture and water it every day so it will grow into an evidence tree.