@QwertyJones3: The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head.
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@Vijaytiwari1611: Knock, Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!"
@badbanana: Most unrealistic scene in Pacific Rim? Hundreds take shelter in a bunker during a monster attack. Not one person is tweeting.
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle.