@SteveSuckington: The only thing worse than sitting down on a cold toilet seat is sitting down on a warm toilet seat.
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@Reverend_Scott: Elmo: Oscar, why are you a grouch? Oscar: Growing up, my parents were- *stabs Elmo with broken beer bottle* CUZ I LIVE IN A TRASHCAN.
@david8hughes: "Write this down." [Moses grabs tablet] "Thou shalt not steal [raises eyebrow] where did you get that tablet from?"
@BuckyIsotope: [wakes up from coma I went into in 1908] so how many more World Series titles have the Cubs won?
@TwoSapphiresBlu: "May your old acquaintances be forgotten and never brought to mind." -Sir Smirnoff