@OhNoSheTwitnt: The only time a man has ever asked me "do you have a sister?" was just to make sure he avoided dating her too.
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@writerPT: 5yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!! *eats 3 fries* 5yo: Can I be done?
@GrumpyComments: Stormtrooper 1: You ever think that maybe we're with the bad guys? Stormtrooper 2: Nah, lets just head back to the Death St... to the ship.
@Playing_Dad: [At vet] Me: My dog has been throwing up what looks like egg shells. Vet: What have you been feeding him? Me: Egg shells.
@PaulSchissler: People are lot less judgey when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole