@thomas_violence: the only time I can imagine clicking on a Facebook story is maybe if I got attacked by a bird while trying to do something else
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@WheelTod: My perfect woman has the brain of Marie Curie & the body of Marilyn Monroe. This obsession with extreme memorabilia is perhaps her only flaw
@highwayhooligan: I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
@rmfnord: "Release the Kraken!" ... "Well?" "We released him. He just took off. It's not like he was trained or anything." ... "Release the tuna!"
@GrantTanaka: Left work, txted wife "Coming homo." Then I txted her "Haha whoops, I meant BEcoming homo."