@thomas_violence: the only time I can imagine clicking on a Facebook story is maybe if I got attacked by a bird while trying to do something else
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@elle91: My Internet was out for a while so I went downstairs to talk to my mom. She seems nice.
@Elizasoul80: Johnny Depp is the best actor ever. You can't even tell he has scissor hands in Pirates of the Caribbean.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Boss: I suspect one of you is dead [Everyone looks at me, except for Paul, who is not moving at all]
@hell_homer: btw I learned this tonight: DO NOT image search "scrotum" because people only post pictures using a medical name if there's something wrong