@thomas_violence: the only time I can imagine clicking on a Facebook story is maybe if I got attacked by a bird while trying to do something else
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Prank caller: Is your refrigerator running? Me: Of course. Can't have these bodies at room temperature
@UncleDuke1969: Government Shutdown: Day 13 Anthony Weiner decides to help. He takes a photo. He tweets. Congress now sees where balls are located.
@Darlainky: Nice try little pine tree air freshener, but this gas station restroom needs the efforts of an entire forest.
@leechee420: One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I'm going to visit.