@daplusk: The only time me and a girl orgasmed at the same time,nnShe didn't even know I was in the cupboard.
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@DistractedMomma: Turns out, telemarketers don't like it when 5 year olds answer the phone and tell them princess Ariel stories.
@GreenishDuck: You know that one cow in the field that's like 200 yards away from all his cow friends just doing his own thing? That's me. I am that cow.
@shutupmikeginn: The fact that they call it the Food Pyramid and not Food Triangle implies it has at least two other sides. So maybe this much taffy is OK
@kingsleyyy: Conservatives after a mass shooting: "You can't take our guns!" Conservatives after a police shooting: "But he had a gun!" I'm confused.