@sploosk: The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
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@MooseAllain: There’s been a fire at London Zoo. Apparently two stick insects were having sex and it all got out of control.
@DanMentos: 18yo me (naive, unrefined): I just ate a block of cheese 42yo me (worldly, sophisticated): I just ate a wheel of cheese
@daemonic3: U-HAUL, may I help you? "You have any moving boxes?" No all our boxes stay still "Well you better go- wait what?" Stop calling here, Dad
@badbanana: 65 mph wind gusts today. This is why Midwesterners are heavy. Everyone else rolls away like a tumbleweed.