@lovemydogduck: The only times I go for a jog is when there's a cute guy in front of me or a creepy guy behind me.
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@BuckyIsotope: RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Praying for telemarketers to call so I can experience human contact as I slowly dissolve into dust
@TheThomason: Before handing your wallet and wife's necklace over to that angry gunman, pause to consider how sweet it would be if your son became Batman.
@canazn_73: Apparently the unbuttoning of a shirt and letting your hair down for a cop only works for women.
@MaladjustedMind: Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom