@lovemydogduck: The only times I go for a jog is when there's a cute guy in front of me or a creepy guy behind me.
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@illuminatedwndr: I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore
@jwoodham: Just once I'd like to see a celebrity show up to the red carpet in jeans and be like, "Oh, was this today? I was just in the neighborhood."
@JohnFugelsang: Somewhere in Heaven... Abraham Lincoln: The ppl who claim to be my followers just totally misquoted me. Jesus: You don't say.