@TheMichaelRock: The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you're having a velociraptor.
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@TheCiscoKidder: I ate a banana so big that my Facebook relationship status automatically changed from "Married" to "It's Complicated."
@LackOfShame: [text from friend) Her: You doing okay? Me: Yeah I guess. Why, what have you heard?