@SaraMansford: The only way I'd be scared of a ghost is if one was coming at me wearing a fitted sheet that I thought I'd have to eventually fold.
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@weinerdog4life: Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: Twitter Clique: (n) a small exclusive group of friends who promise to tell each other they are funny.
@FBSisnothere: "Ladies, calm down. Girlfriend, wife, whatever. The important thing is that between the 2 of you, you brought enough to post my bail"
@OMGShenanigans: Today's interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"