@Maxine12333: The only way I'd get within six feet of some people is if I'm standing on their grave.
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@hippieswordfish: 'sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.' what, am i supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
@Brampersandon_: [Me]: *slams fork & knife down on table* Not cool, babe. [Wife]: You didn't honestly think there'd be weed in your pot pie, did you?
@FierceMess: Wanna live a long life? Get married. I guarantee you'll change your mind real quick.