@kellyoxford: "The only way I'd go to a Justin Bieber concert, is if it was a Jay-Z concert" - my 9 yr old daughter
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@TheTweetOfGod: The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes.
@Robert_Beau: Boss: You gonna get any work done today? Me: Sorry Boss, I was up late watching the game, I'll pick it up. B: Who won? M: Jack Daniels
@theshantilly: *glamorously folds laundry *seductively wipes off countertops *slowly bends over to pick up toys *sexily trips over the cat...
@KateWhineHall: Just finished up some dusting. And by dusting I mean I blew on a shelf and then sneezed 6 times in a row.