@kellyoxford: "The only way I'd go to a Justin Bieber concert, is if it was a Jay-Z concert" - my 9 yr old daughter
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@TheRolo: I don't know who you are, but if you don't stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will kill you.
@weinerdog4life: one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere
@mjohnny3: On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
@mikealfredcaine: saw your mum at the supermarket buying vaseline & cucumbers & nothing else, no wonder your dad died if that what she puts in sandwiches