@jenyb4: The only way I'd want to watch a video of you pouring a bucket of ice water over your head is if you promise you drown at the end.
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@heidi420x: if i could choose one super power right now it would be the ability to delete my number from other people's phones.
@JPHaddadio: Well, the mechanic called. Apparently, in addition to a muffler, my car also needs a new car.
@adult_keverage: Wife: Why are you so out of breath? You drove here. Me: Yeah but I was listening to Slayer in the car.