@jwoodham: The only way I'm coming to your wedding is if YOU get ME a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@murrman5: "I'm sorry but it's only 7 items or less in the dressing rooms" [octopus glove shopping] "this is unacceptable"
@Paige__xxx: Today, I’ve been cleaning. And by cleaning I mean drinking wine and spraying everything with Febreze.
@shatterpants: When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?" Then I frown & order the soup.